Maltesers Teasers (chocolate spread)

Product name: Maltesers Teasers (chocolate spread)
Purchase details: Tesco
Calories: 108 per 20g serving
Country of origin: UK

Last week, I learned of a new product that had the potential to change my life: Maltesers Teasers (chocolate spread). I was so excited about this concept that I ended up having various conversations with colleagues about how amazing it sounded. To my surprise and delight, one of them came into work after the bank holiday weekend and handed me a jar she’d found in a Tesco in Anglesey. Apparently it was worth it for my reaction alone...

The ‘chocolate spread with crisp honeycombed pieces’ came in a 200g jar which was meant to provide ten servings. We’ve decided it’s an early housewarming present (for the house I haven’t even bought yet!) since, once it’s empty, it’s the kind of jar that can be re-used as a drinking glass once the red Maltesers-branded label has been removed – bonus!

The spread looked amazing. It was thick, chocolatey (containing 5.2% reduced fat cocoa powder), and full of little bits. Only 12% of the product was the honeycomb, but these little balls (the same kind used in products like the Teasers chocolate found in Celebrations) were still abundant. They made the product a bit weird to spread, actually, as they were understandably bumpy and I had to be careful not to press too hard as I didn’t want to crush them. The aroma wasn’t the strongest but it did have the rich, milky scent of standard chocolate spreads.

When we first discussed this spread, the colleague who bought me the jar made an inexplicable comment: ‘I don’t know what I’d eat it with.’. Me and another colleague looked at each other and responded: ‘Er...a SPOON?!’...so it would have been rude for me not to have tried it in this way! It was really thick, sweet and so chocolatey. There was nothing about the flavour, though, that made me think of Maltesers, but the texture was great, with the ‘malty crunchy pieces’ providing some excitement.

The good thing about chocolate spreads is that they’re versatile. It’s perfectly possible to enjoy them as a low-calorie evening treat, as I obviously did! My trick is to use a bread that is also low in calories – the lowest I’ve found is Warburtons Milk Roll which is only 47 calories per slice. I then weigh the bread on its own, add the spread, and weigh it again to work out how many grams of product I’ve actually used. On my first sampling of this spread, I didn’t have many points spare, so I only used 7g of this Teasers goodness. However, despite being a relatively thin scraping, I thought it still went a long way and I didn’t feel hard-done-by at all. Even with this small portion, it was immediately obvious just how unusual the small honeycomb pieces made the texture – I felt like I’d merged two breakfast foods together and put Rice Krispies in a chocolate spread sandwich! However, there was a slight difference in that these malty pieces were a little bit firmer than rice cereal.

I’ve also had a couple of non-diet days since I’ve had this jar so I’ve been able to have fun with much more generous portions. I’ve tried the spread on toast which made the textures less prominent due to the bread already being crispy. Eaten this way, I also found that, due to the way the spread melted slightly, the flavour was even more chocolatey and tasty. However, I still didn’t think it tasted any different to normal chocolate spread.

I also tried a larger portion on bread where I did my favourite ‘trick’ of folding the bread in two and squishing it together to form extra chocolate goo. In this case, this caused the crispy texture to be more of a feature, and I was pleased that it also provided the occasional hint of Maltesers in the taste too. On the whole, it did mainly provide general chocolate spread flavours, but I did quite enjoy the slight stickiness left behind in the teeth which was very much like a normal Maltesers experience.

Then I decided to have some real fun...

I once had a brainwave and decided to mix a bag of Maltesers into a bowl of peanut butter. I think it was simultaneously one of the best and worst things I’ve ever done. ‘Wouldn’t it be amazing’, I thought ‘if I made a Teasers and peanut butter sandwich?’. So I did...

Oh. My. Actual. Days! I tried it on bread and toast, in both cases applying the peanut butter first, and found the Teasers was a little bit harder to spread on top of the toast due to the meltage. They both tasted incredible, though – unbelievably good! The saltiness of the peanut butter lessened the Teasers’ sweetness and, if you’re a fan of chocolate and peanut butter anyway, this is a combination you’ve just got to try. I probably preferred it on bread as the thickness was maintained but, in both cases, the highlight for me was that I’d used crunchy peanut butter even though I usually opt for smooth. The contrast of the crunchy nuts and crispy honeycomb was just heavenly.

Hats off to Mars for this product. It was a shame that the honeycomb didn’t provide any additional flavour but, despite not tasting unique, this was still an excellent product. It was the texture that made it particularly special and, having tried the spread with peanut butter, I’ve found one of the few products that, so far, has made me genuinely concerned about putting back on all the weight back I lost several years ago. For that reason, I couldn’t make this a regular purchase, but it will certainly be an occasional treat.

Appearance: 8.5/10
Aroma: 7/10
Taste: 8/10
Texture: 8.5/10
Overall score: 8/10

CFR Bitez: Assorted sticks

Product name: CFR Bitez: Assorted sticks
Purchase details: £1.00 for a 70g box or two for £1.00 (Poundworld)
Calories: 21 per 4.5g biscuit
Country of origin: Europe

When I spotted these CFR Bitez: Assorted sticks, I knew immediately that they were Mikado-inspired, and I just had try them. The three different colours of biscuit sticks, combined with the splash of milk, caught my eye in-store, and it was the ‘breadstick with strawberry flavoured coating’ that I particularly wanted to sample.

These ‘crispy biscuit snacks, smothered in a variety of delicious coatings’ were nearly twice as many calories as Lu Glico: Mikado (milk chocolate), but each one also weighed almost twice as much. To be perfectly honest, I was a bit dubious about whether each piece would feel substantial enough to warrant the extra calories, but they were most definitely longer and thicker.

As well as the strawberry variety, the sticks came coated in ‘chocolate flavour’ and ‘white chocolate’. Strangely, the ratio of biscuit to coating differed with each one – the milk chocolate contained 43% breadstick, the white chocolate had 46%, and the strawberry had even more: 48%. Unfortunately, all three varieties also contained an awful lot of vegetable fat, but this varied too – 36% for standard chocolate, 40.5% for white chocolate, and a smaller 35% for strawberry.

Before opening, it hadn’t occurred to me that the flavour combination would result in a Neapolitan-style appearance, but the pink one still looked the most exciting to me! It was also the only type which had any kind of individual scent, reminding me of pink wafer biscuits. When all the flavours combined, though, they had the general, sweet scent of the inside of a biscuit tin...I guess that was to be expected.

The chocolate flavoured biscuit contained 19% skimmed milk powder and also contained cocoa powder to provide the chocolatey taste. I was actually able to try this variety immediately after a milk chocolate Mikado and, I must say, it tasted very different. It had a very sweet and fake chocolate taste and there was no doubting that it was the lower quality product. It did have a thick and crispy texture but the use of the term ‘breadstick’ suddenly became clear as it certainly had a different feel to other biscuit sticks – there was a slight chew at the end of each mouthful which was a bit unusual for this style of product. In fact, they reminded me of matzo crackers.

As a big fan of white chocolate, I’d been really pleased that this variety was also included in the pack. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a white chocolate Mikado to compare it to, this time, but I didn’t need this to know that, once again, the Bitez were an inferior product. I couldn’t get a sense of white chocolate from the flavour at all. Instead, it was just really sweet with a stale biscuit kind of taste, although the crispy/chewy texture remained – at least they weren’t soft!

Thankfully, the biscuits that contained both natural strawberry powder and flavourings, saved the day. These ones actually did have a white chocolate element to them but, most of all, they had a strong strawberry milkshake flavour. They were really nice (more creamy than sweet) and I would happily buy a box that only contained this variety in future. (I did see Poundworld were selling boxes of the chocolate flavoured sticks on their own but that was all!)

The box that these CFR Bitez: Assorted came in claimed that the product was ‘truly delicious!’. Unfortunately, I didn’t find this to be the case. The two chocolate varieties tasted cheap (which they were, to be fair!) and not-so-cheerful. On the plus side, the smooth coatings and crispy biscuits were texturally consistent throughout the flavour offerings, and the strawberry version did shine through as a product I’d want to eat again.

Appearance: 7.5/10
Aroma: 7.5/10
Taste: 7/10
Texture: 6.5/10
Overall score: 7.13/10

Mars Refuel

Product name: Mars Refuel
Purchase details: £0.39 for a 180ml carton (B&M)

Calories: 139 per carton
Country of origin: UK

I bought this carton of Mars Refuel at the same time as the Milky Way Chocolate Milk but I’ve been a bit slow to drink it!

Although I loved the idea of a Mars bar flavoured drink, I suspected it was just going to be another chocolate milk, and since its ‘chocolate milk drink’ description was identical to the Milky Way's, my suspicions weren’t allayed.

However, the Mars Refuel was marketed in a very different way to the Milky Way Chocolate Milk – it was aimed at adults rather than children and made no health claims. In comparison to the latter’s 90% milk content, this Mars drink only contained 74% of the white stuff.

The drink came, once more, in a tall and slim carton that featured Mars’ signature black background and red logo. The product type was indicated by the splash of milk at the base of the carton, which also advised to chill and shake the milk before consumption.

The liquid came in the mid-brown colour that is usual for chocolate milk. However, whilst the aroma was also standard, it was a lot milder than normal.

Containing 0.6% cocoa powder, I found that the drink tasted a bit less chocolatey than similar products, although this aspect of the flavour was still very much present. However, it tasted sweeter, and there was almost a salty aspect which, I guess, hinted at caramel. As there hadn’t been any mention of caramel or nougat in the product description or ingredients, this was a pleasant surprise – general ‘flavourings’ and cane molasses were the only listings that had given me hope!

Texturally, the milk was very smooth with the same starchy feel as the Milky Way Chocolate Milk.

As anticipated, I didn’t think the Mars Refuel tasted much different to other plain chocolate milks. However, whilst the difference in taste was minimal, it was still a little nicer.

Appearance: 7.5/10
Aroma: 6.5/10
Taste: 7.5/10
Texture: 7.5/10
Overall score: 7.25/10

Tesco Cupcakes: Chocolate fudge

Product name: Tesco Cupcakes: Chocolate fudge
Purchase details: £1.40 for a pack of two cupcakes or three for two (Tesco)
Calories: 293 per cupcake
Country of origin: UK

So it’s time to review the last of the cupcakes I picked up as part of Tesco’s three for two offer. As much as I love chocolate fudge cake, I normally would have chosen a seemingly more interesting variety, but I’d seen these Tesco Cupcakes: Chocolate fudge on A Review a Day a couple of weeks earlier and they looked and sounded divine!

These new ‘chocolate flavoured sponge cakes filled with chocolate sauce, topped with chocolate fudge flavour frosting and a chocolate decoration’ once again came in a simple but effective plastic box that, this time, featured a purple cardboard sleeve. The frosting that accounted for 39% of each cake was quite basic in appearance but was topped with attractive, marbled chocolate shards. I think these were both meant to be triangular in shape but one of mine had broken! I was particularly pleased when I turned one over to find they were predominantly made of white chocolate. Inside the cake, the dark chocolate-containing sauce (11%) had been deeply injected and looked lovely and stiff.

As soon as I opened the box, a delicious chocolate cake scent wafted up to my nostrils. The sponge tasted like any decent chocolate cake with a good cocoa flavour and moist, soft texture. The thick sauce added a gooey feel and a slight bitterness that, interestingly, had an element of creaminess too. The buttercream was also great – I could taste both the cocoa powder and the butter and there was a slight graininess from the icing sugar without feeling too bitty. The brittle chocolate fragment topped off this bundle of squidgy amazingness nicely with a little extra sweet and creamy flavour.

As far as chocolate fudge cakes go, I didn’t find this cupcake quite as rich as the full-on dessert, although this may partly have been down to the smaller portion size. The cake itself was also a little drier, although not in a negative way. It was definitely a good decision to purchase this fabulous product. I think I might even try my remaining cupcake warm...mmmmmm.

Appearance: 8/10
Aroma: 8/10
Taste: 8.5/10
Texture: 8/10
Overall score: 8.13/10